puckandpie | time to talk [dated to 1/13/2016]

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derek

time to talk [dated to 1/13/2016]

It's that quiet time of night, the last half hour or so after Derek's already booted out the last of the stragglers and the few employees left over are all silently cleaning up so we can head out as quickly as possible. We don't need that many hands for closing, to be honest, just one or two in the front to take care of the tables and floors and me in the back to clean up the kitchen. So I'm really not surprised at all when I push open the kitchen door to find only Derek finishing up with the bar in front.

I already have my coat on -- the leather one Derek got me for Christmas because it fits me so, so well -- and am looking forward to the quiet walk home. After hours and hours of forcing smiles and chipper conversation, it'll be nice to not have to pretend for awhile.

Derek's back is to me and I let myself watch him for only a moment or two before heading for the door. I know he can both hear and smell me so, as much as I'd maybe like to, it's not like I can just sneak out.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Mr. Hale," I say, hoping there's enough of a teasing lilt still left in my voice as I reach for the door.

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For about three seconds I'm at eye level with the portion of Derek's anatomy I just spent the past highly awkward few minutes trying not to look at. And it's really no less intimidating through the eyes of a walk.

Though, maybe 'intimidating' isn't really the right word. Maybe 'delicious?'

Goodness, I really need to stop thinking about this.

It gets easier when Derek crouches in front of me, brings his face close to mine and I know it has to be the wolf instinct inside me, but I'm suddenly compelled to lick his face. So I do. His stubble scratches my tongue, but it mostly feels and tastes nice and I know my tail's wagging.

Oh my gosh, I have a tail.

I immediately whip around to see it, the making out the light fluff there and on the rest of me before tipping my head back to look up at Derek. I don't know if he can understand me, but I can understand him. He's taking our picture now and it's impossible not to nuzzle up closer, his skin warm against my cold, wet nose. I like him again, right on the chin and try to answer his question with an enthusiastic, "Yes!"

Only it comes out as a yip. And I don't even care. Is this what it feels like to be a wolf all the time? Warm and sure and powerful? Gosh, no wonder he spent so much of his time in that other Darrow in this form. I would've, too!

"Oh god, you're just a big puppy. Why am I not surprised?" Derek laughs as Bitty licks his face, wriggling around so much that Derek can barely get a picture. He ends up taking a video instead, wrapping an arm around Bitty and holding him close, smiling as Bitty keeps licking him. "Okay, my turn."

He puts his phone away and shifts himself, shaking out his fur. His is inky black where Bitty's is tawny gold, and that isn't where the differences end. Being a werewolf, he's a decent bit bigger than Bitty, who is on the smallish side with skinny legs and oversized paws.

Derek pads over and presses his face to Bitty's, nuzzling in close. It's such a good feeling that Derek actually whimpers, tail thumping, because while there are other wolves in the city, they aren't pack. Bitty isn't a werewolf, but it's close enough. In that moment, Derek feels downright jubilant.

There are so many smells, that's the first thing I notice. And I pick up Derek's immediately, musky and spicy and familiar. He smells like he always does, only more and it lingers even when he turns into a wolf himself.

He's still bigger than me which is unsurprising, and he trots right on over, pressing his muzzle into the ruff of my neck. I want to laugh and I think I do, only it comes out as a playful huff as I bounce on my feet, pushing against him. There's an itch under my skin, under my fur, to run, but I want him to come with me.

I'm not going anywhere without him.

So I rear up onto my hind legs for a second and then crouch low with my butt in the air, tail wagging. Derek's much more loose and playful as a wolf, I've learned that already. And right now, with the ground cold beneath my feet and the air chilly, I want to play.

Derek huffs, watching with fondness as Bitty bounces around. He looks and smells so happy, and Derek lets out a sigh of relief. This is what he wanted. He wanted Bitty to be happy, if only for a few hours.

Bitty is buzzing with energy, back paws thumping against the dirt, and Derek playfully tackles him down into the leaves. He knows that Bitty is currently just a wolf, and not a werewolf. He doesn't have all the speed and strength that Derek has, so he's gentle when he takes him down, sending them tumbling a few times.

He pops up and barks, nipping at Bitty's heels before he takes off in a run, darting easily through the trees.

Derek tackles me to the ground, teeth bared in a way I know, instinctively, is only in play. We wrestle for a few seconds, me on my back as I kick at him with my hind legs, leaves and sticks catching in my fur.

And then he's up again, nipping lightly at my feet before he darts off.

Taking his cue, I leap to my feet and chase after him. The wind through my fur is exhilarating, scents from all over flooding my nostrils as my paws pound on the forest floor. I leap over fallen logs and brambles, scare a few rabbits, and I know Derek must be running just fast enough for me to not quite catch him, but I don't even mind.

I feel free.

Derek isn't running anywhere near full speed, slow enough that Bitty can keep pace but not quite catch him. He veers off suddenly, panting as Bitty skids past him in an attempt to stop, and Derek barks and pounces on him, tackling him down into the leaves.

He lets out an amused huff and nips at Bitty's ear, nosing at his neck and licking at his muzzle before he hops off of him, prancing playfully on the other side of the clearing.

Up ahead of me, Derek suddenly veers to the right, his paws kicking up leaves and dirt in the sudden change of direction and I stumble in my effort to stop. He's back before I've gotten my feet back under me, pouncing and nipping lightly at my ears.

I fall to my back instinctively again, kicking up at him as he nuzzles the ruff of my neck again, licks at my muzzle. I nip back as well as I can, lips pulled back to show my teeth, but it's all fun. I'm not aiming to hurt him and I know he won't hurt me, but there's still this instinct, low in my gut, that want's nothing more than to wrestle him to the ground.

But he gets away before I can, prancing to the other side of the clearing. I zoom off after him and jump up onto his back when I get close enough, knocking him down before prancing and preening a little.

Derek is having the time of his life. He’s been on runs like this with Luke, and they’ve wrestled like puppies even if they probably wouldn’t admit it when they back in their skin, and he enjoys them immensely. But there’s something about Bitty’s endless enthusiasm and pure, radiant joy that is really getting to Derek and making him feel better than he has in months.

Bitty pounces on him, taking him down into the leaves, and Derek lets out a playful growl before pushing Bitty off of him with his back feet, springing back onto his paws with his tail wagging like mad.

And then, just because he’s so happy, he tosses his head back and lets out a long, loud, celebratory howl.

Derek growls and, even like this, it makes something go warm low in my gut. It doesn't last too long, thankfully, especially with the way he immediately springs forward. He looks so overwhelmingly happy, eyes bright, and tail wagging. I'd give almost anything to see him this happy every day.

I startle a little when he tips his head back and howls, but only because I'm not expecting it. Much like the growl, it sends a thrill through me, but it's a different sort. It's one that makes me want to join in.

So I do.

Closing my eyes, I tip my head toward the sky and take a deep breath before letting it all out. It's not as loud or as deep as Derek's and, to be honest, I'm a little surprised by how it sounds at all. But it feels good. It feels so, so good.

A part of wouldn't really mind too much if Magnus's concoction kept me like this forever. I can think of worse things.

When Bitty howls along with him, it feels like something in his chest gets unstuck and settles into its proper place. It’s this feeling of pack and home and right, and he doesn’t think about how it won’t last. He just lets himself live in this moment, side by side with this scrawny puppy and his first ever howl.

They keep going until the air runs out of their lungs, and Derek looks at Bitty with bright eyes, letting out a happy bark before tackling him back down into the leaves. They tumble easily down a mossy hillside, and they settle at the bottom with Derek on his back, shaggy head pillowed on Bitty’s flank where he lays on his side.

For a long few moments, we're howling together. I mix it up a little, barking between howls, trying to make something a little musical out of it and grinning when it seems like Derek's playing along. Or at least it feels like I'm grinning. My tail certainly won't stop wagging.

I'm a little winded when Derek cuts me off with a sharp, playful bark and then he's knocking into me again, sending me falling into a pile of leaves. We wrestle, toppling over a hillside and some part of me thinks it should probably hurt -- there are sticks and stones poking me in the back the whole way down -- but it doesn't. It barely registers at all, really.

We come to a rest at the bottom, my heart still pounding, and my whole body rocked with adrenaline, like coming off the ice after a great game. Derek's on his back, his head resting against my leg and I curl enough to nuzzle the side of his head, licking gratefully.

I feel so good all over. It's easy to let my eyes close for just a moment, to enjoy the feel of Derek against me, warm and happy.

Derek is reminded that Bitty is human. Well-- a wolf. He needs to rest. So Derek stays there, curled up with him, and lifts his head as Bitty nuzzles him. He can smell his gratitude, and his happiness, and Derek lets out a quiet little rumble.

He shifts a little so that his head is resting on Bitty's underbelly, soft golden fur tickling his nose. They lay there for a moment in a patch of sunshine, the air cool and still around them, and Derek feels content. He feels so happy, so wholly grateful for this moment.

It's so warm right here, from the sun and my wolf fur and from Derek laying atop me, his head rested on my belly. I feel so overwhelmingly content and I think I must doze for awhile, comfortable and happy in a way I haven't been in what feels like months.

I have no idea how long I doze, but it's only the chill creeping in that has me opening my eyes again. And when I do, the realization of where I am and what's happened hits like a bag of bricks. The sticks and rocks under my side definitely hurt now and I'm cold everywhere except where Derek's furry head is still resting on my belly.

"Oh my goodness," I say, feeling my face flush red as I carefully draw my knees up, trying my best to cover myself. I mean, obviously Derek has seen me naked now, but his head is right there.

Derek is dozing himself, lost somewhere between asleep and awake, when Bitty suddenly curls up and jostles Derek. His head turns so that his cold, wet nose bumps into Bitty's thigh, and he opens his eyes and yawns, breath hot against Bitty's skin before he pulls himself to his feet.

Bitty is human again, and Derek tries not to feel disappointed. He knew that it would be a short amount of time, and he's grateful that he got to have it at all. Bitty smells embarrassed, and for a moment he doesn't understand why. But then he realizes that he's naked, and that's strange for Bitty, so Derek makes a show of bowing down and putting his head on the ground, covering his eyes with his massive paws while he keeps his back end up in the air, tail wagging.

As soon as Derek's on his feet, I'm able to bring my knees up completely, hiding the most embarrassing bits. I swear I hear Derek actually whine for a second, a soft sort of plaintive sound that makes my chest ache even through my embarrassment, but it's quickly forgotten when he bows to rest his head on the ground and covers his eyes with his paws.

It's enough to make me laugh and I feel some of the anxiety fade away as I get to my feet. "You look adorable like that, you know. I may never let you live this down," I tell him, carefully covering myself, shivering at the cold. I wish we'd had the foresight to fall asleep closer to where we'd left our clothes. "Could, uhm... I mean. Would it be horribly rude to ask you to fetch us our clothes?"

As nice as Derek is being about wanting to give me my privacy, it's not like he can close his eyes as we make our trek back to the other side of the clearing. And I wouldn't ask him to as mortified as I might be.

Once Bitty laughs, Derek pops back up onto four feet, tongue lolling out happily as he looks up at him. Nudity really is no big deal, and it isn’t like Bitty has anything to be embarrassed about anyway.

He huffs out a laugh when Bitty asks him to go get their clothes, covering his crotch with his hands and shivering. Derek nods and walks forward to rub himself against Bitty’s legs, nipping playfully at his hip before he takes off like a shot towards where they left their clothes. It takes some nosing and pawing at things, but he eventually gets their shoes and clothes wrapped up in two bundles, carrying everything in their shirts. He grips them both in his teeth and trots back over to where Bitty is waiting, dropping them onto the ground.

And then he shifts back himself, stretching his arms up over his head and shaking himself a bit, grinning at Bitty. He feels the urge to hug him, but he should probably wait until they’re clothed, for Bitty’s sake. “Well? How was it?”

Derek jumps to his feet and pads over to me, nosing and nipping at my hip before I swat at him, feeling my face go red. That's his nose, essentially, right on my bare skin. If he's not carefully, we're both going to be terribly embarrassed soon.

Luckily, he runs off soon after, presumably to get our clothes as asked. I stay where I am, feeling overwhelmingly exposed in the cold air. It takes him awhile to return and, by then, I've curled into as much of a ball as possible, knees drawn up to my chin and my arms tight around my legs. I'm absolutely freezing, shivering violently, and I've never been so relieved as when I see him come barreling down the slope.

"Oh, thank goodness," I breathe, when he drops our clothes into small heaps right at my feet. I don't even think before grabbing my shirt and shoving it on. The fabric is just as cold as my skin, but having another layer at all is nice.

I glance up again at the sound of Derek's voice, my eyes catching on the fact that he's completely naked. Again. It feels different now though. Less mortifying somehow. I really really wish I felt like I could look my fill, but at least this time I don't glance away immediately, even managing a smile as I grab my underwear and push to my feet to slide them on.

"It was amazing," I tell him, meaning it completely even as I'm still shivering. "Is that how it feels every time you turn? Just... wild and free? Like you could do almost anything?"

“Shit,” Derek breathes out, feeling like an ass as he watches Bitty shiver. He steps into his own black boxer briefs and pulls them on before grabbing his leather jacket and putting it around Bitty’s shoulders, keeping an arm around him to hold him close and transfer some of his body heat.

“Yeah, it’s a little like that,” Derek says with a breathless grin, nodding at Bitty’s description. “Problems just sort of seem to melt away, at least for a little while.”

Derek’s smile softens and he presses his cheek to the top of Bitty’s head, truly feeling like pack in that moment. “I’m glad you liked it.”

I'm still shivering as I step into my jeans, my shaky fingers clumsy on the zipper and top button before Derek's heavy leather jacket is suddenly around my shoulders and he's hugging me close. It helps, thankfully, and I carefully keep my head turned away so I'm not pressed right up against his bare chest. However much I'd like to be.

"I loved it," I correct him and my voice, now that I'm a little more warmed up, doesn't waver at all. "To be honest with you, I don't know why you ever walk around in the people suit. Except, I suppose if I looked like you do, it wouldn't be so bad."

I realize what I've said only after the words are out and feel my face flush immediately hot. Which is stupid, I know. It's not like Derek doesn't know he's attractive, not like he doesn't know I specifically find him attractive. Still. It feels dumb to say it.

Derek laughs at that, but it’s a warm, pleased sound. He squeezes Bitty again and then lets go to retrieve his own jeans. They’re tight, like most of his pants, and he has to wriggle a bit to get them up his hips. His Henley comes next, and he reaches back to tuck the tag in. “There’s nothing wrong at all with your people suit, Bitty.”

He knows that Bitty doesn’t seem to have all that much confidence in himself, and Derek knows how that can be. He wants to help if he can, and it’s not as if he’s telling a lie. Bitty is attractive with a body to be proud of.

“But I sort of need to be in the people suit to talk to my friends and do my jobs,” Derek says, chuckling a bit as he leans against a tree to pull his socks and boots on. “And the longer I spend as a wolf, the more the animal takes over. So it’s good to be human. Besides, all I had was the people suit for twenty-four years. I’m used to it.”

There may not be anything exactly wrong with how I look, I suppose, but I'm certainly no Derek Hale. Heck, I'm not even half as attractive as half the non-native Darrow population, I've noticed. I'm an athlete, I know I have muscle definition, but I could work out every minute of the day and I still wouldn't look anything like Derek or anyone on my team back home.

Maybe, at some point, I'll figure out how to be okay with that.

I keep Derek's jacket over my shoulders as I bend to slip on my shoes on socks, glad for the distraction away from watching Derek get dressed. The very last thing I want to do is ruin the morning by embarrassing myself any further.

"So how does the animal take over?" I ask him, reluctantly shrugging Derek's jacket off and handing it back to him so I can slip into my own. I give him a teasing smile, just shy of flirting. "Do you just find yourself more inclined to chase your own tail?"

"Very funny," Derek says, rolling his eyes in fond exasperation. He waits until Bitty gets his coat on, and then he drapes his own back over Bitty's shoulders, wanting to keep him warm. "Instinct just takes over. The longer I stay in the form of a wolf, the more like a wolf I become."

He starts to lead them out of the woods, back towards the city. "I'm glad you had a good time. I really enjoyed myself."

I'm not expecting Derek to drape his coat over me again before we start walking, but I don't protest. Maybe it's a little too indulgent, but wearing Derek's coat is a little bit like having his arms around me and I like that. I don't want to let go just yet.

"It really was amazing," I tell him, glancing over as head out of the woods, snow and twigs crunching under our feet. "Sorta helped, uh... clear my head, you know? I'm-- I didn't tell you, but Simon and I sorta broke up right before Christmas. I'm honestly not really sure we were dating to begin with, we certainly weren't exclusive, but he's already seeing his ex-roommate who's a real jerk and, as stupid as I know it is, I've been feeling pretty low about that. And New Year's Eve was a catastrophe in so many ways and I've never been so homesick in all my life. It's... it's been a lot lately. So being out here with you, doing this was... it was really incredible. I don't think I could thank you enough."

Derek was already pretty sure that Bitty and Simon had broken up. He hasn't smelled Simon on Bitty since just before Christmas, and that along with Bitty's sullen mood was evidence enough. He's glad that Bitty's relaxed enough to tell him what's going on, and Derek gives him a sympathetic smile before reaching over to give the back of his neck a reassuring squeeze.

"There's no need to thank me. I wanted to share that with you," Derek tells him, leaving his hand on the back of Bitty's neck while they walk. "Simon's an idiot. And I know things are rough, but I also know that they'll get better. That isn't something you would have heard me say a few years ago, but it's true. They will."

Derek's hand is warm and reassuring on the back of neck, a settling sort of weight. Better yet, his words aren't pitying or condescending and I'm suddenly not sure why I didn't just tell him earlier. It's not really that I ever thought Derek would make me feel worse, but admitting to everything felt so very pathetic.

But, even if Derek doesn't see me the way I see him, I don't think he believes I'm pathetic. I guess I just have to remind myself of that sometimes.

"Simon isn't an idiot," I argue with a small Simon. I know I'm definitely right about that one, but I can't deny that Derek saying otherwise feels sorta nice. Which is awful, I know, but it does. "He's actually really very nice. We're just not right for each other, I guess. But it sure felt nice to be wanted for awhile, even if it wasn't for long." Tipping my head back, I look up at him then, my face warm but my smile hopefully even warmer. "I'm glad things are better for you now than they were a few years ago. And I'm glad... I mean, I miss home every single minute of every day, but I'm glad I met you. I'm glad I can call you my friend."

time to talk [dated to 1/13/2016]

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