kagura - dated to 12/7

[puckandpie]

My first trip to Kagura hadn't been a total bust by any means. Sure, going up with both Simon and Baz had been a little awkward and Simon spontaneously turning into a human torch under that enchanted mistletoe had been nothing short of absolutely terrifying, but the skiing had been a lot of fun and the cocoa really was delicious.

Something about the place is a little magical, too. I mean, obviously, this entire town is magical, but nestled up in the mountains with all that crisp, white snow... it's almost like a fairy tale. Or, at the very least, like being in one of those jewelry store commercials that always aired around Christmas back home.

I've managed to bribe Derek into going up with me again even though I know he's gone once already and it's been just as much fun so far as I'd hoped. He'd shifted almost as soon as we got up here, his black fur stark against the bright white snow. It's the first time I've seen him in his wolf form since that other Darrow, but even if it's harder to read him like this, it's easy to tell he's a lot more relaxed than he had been back there. And it at least seems like he's having fun, his paws kicking up snow as he runs along beside me, occasionally darting in front of me, playfully weaving as I shift my body weight to avoid him.

At the bottom of each hill, I scratch behind his ears and pet along his back, laughing as he excitedly dances around me and throws up snow with the tip of his nose. He's adorable and so wonderfully carefree and I'm more than a little reluctant to call a stop to the fun when the grumbling of my stomach becomes too loud to ignore.

"How about that first round of cocoa?" I ask him as I pull off my snow goggles. My muscles are singing pleasantly and brush my fingers along Derek's muzzle. "And maybe lunch? Or do you wanna go a few more rounds first?"

I know he can't exactly speak to me like this, but I know he'll be able to tell me what he wants in one way or another.

Comments

[puckandpie]

"Oh," I breathe, sliding my hand down his arm to curl over his hand instead, squeezing lightly. It's not exactly the story I'd been expecting even if I'd gotten part of it right in my head. I've heard about people leaving this place, of course. I've heard how it seems to happen at random, just out of nowhere, in a flash just like how we got here in the first place.

Is it better or worse to make up with your boyfriend right before they disappear? God, I didn't even know they'd broken up at all.

Suddenly, that memory of Stiles in that other version of Darrow is so, so much worse.

"Goodness, I'm so sorry," I tell him, setting aside cup of cocoa so I can focus on him entirely, both my hands curled around one of his. "I knew were reluctant to come up here, but I didn't... I had no idea that was why. I swear, if I'd known, I wouldn't have pestered."

[triskehale]

Derek smiles softly and looks down at his hand enveloped between Bitty's, curling his thumb around Bitty's. He nods and lets out a deep, cleansing breath before looking up at him. "I know you wouldn't have, but really, it's fine. Once I got up here, it wasn't so bad."

He leans back against the chair and laughs a little, mostly at himself. "I built it up in my head. I tend to do that."

[puckandpie]

Derek breathes and relaxes back in the chair and I watch as his expression does ease a little, lips curving up into a smile. He could be pretending, of course, to make me feel less horribly guilty, but I don't think he is. Or at least that isn't his primary motivation. I hope.

"I know how that goes," I tell him with a soft huff of a laugh myself, squeezing his hand. "I'm pretty famous for that, actually. Especially back home. I mean, my team captain had to set up morning one-on-one practices just to try to teach me to not build things up in my head. It was that level of bad." I don't mention how I also tend to build up the good things, how I see things that aren't really there, how I hope for too much.

Ducking my head a little to try to see his eyes, I ask, "But it's not so bad now? Is it the cocoa? It's a long way to go for cocoa, but I think it might be the best in the city."

[triskehale]

"The cocoa, the snow," he begins, looking over at Bitty with a smile, "the company. It ended up being a really good day."

He squeezes Bitty's hand before letting go, settling back into his chair and looking out the window. There are a group of kids snow tubing, and Derek smiles as one of them lets out a giddy shriek that Derek can hear all the way from here. He looks back at Bitty, and it's obvious by Derek's face that he's in a good mood. "What about you? I'm way more fun in wolf form, aren't I?"

[puckandpie]

He really does have such a nice smile and I can't help but like it even more when it's directed right at me and when it feels like it's there because of something I've had a hand in. And I know he could just be saying all this to make me feel better after the mistletoe incident -- which I'm likely to start referring to in capital letters eventually -- but he seems so sincere. And I want to believe he really means it, I want to believe he really has had a nice day despite everything.

Derek squeezes my hand one last time and lets go and I ignore the pang in my chest to reach for my mug of cocoa again, watching him. "You're adorable in wolf form," I tell him, grinning over the rim of my mug. "I wouldn't necessarily say more fun though. I'd like to think we have fun even when you're in your boring ol' human body," I tell him with a wink.

[triskehale]

"Adorable, huh?" Derek asks with a laugh, shaking his head in amusement. "I guess I'll take it."

Truthfully, he's pleased that Bitty is so comfortable around Derek as a wolf. It's like he accepts all of him, every part, and he's grateful for that. He smiles at Bitty's wink, and returns it with one of his own, letting his eye shine red as he does. "What else did you want to do while we're up here?"

[puckandpie]

For just a moment, just a flicker of a second, Derek's eyes go red. I've seen it before, of course, on the show, but it seeing it in person feels a whole lot different. I have the feeling I shouldn't really find it hot, that it should probably scare me a little in the same way Simon bursting into flames did. Except I know Derek's powers and I know he would never hurt me.

Neither would Simon, I'm sure. But it still feels different.

Goodness, I really shouldn't be thinking about any of this right now. So I take another sip of my cocoa and hum while I think it over. "Well, we've already done what I wanted most. Guess I can write 'Ski with a Werewolf' off my bucket list! Do you think we could take a look around the lodge though? I've heard it's haunted, but I really didn't get to check it out at all last time."

[triskehale]

"Was that one high up there?" Derek asks with a laugh, sipping his own cocoa. He hums and nods, looking out the window thoughtfully. "It is. Or at least it was last year, but the spirits are pretty harmless."

He looks over at Bitty after a moment to explain. "Castiel asked me to come check this place out with him last year."

[puckandpie]

I know Castiel, of course. Not really from the show as I stopped watching before he was on, but I know him from tumblr. And from Derek's Thanksgiving dinner.

"You came up here specifically to look for ghosts?" I ask, marveling a little just at the option and opportunity. "Was he hoping you could wolf out on them or something?"

[triskehale]

"I wasn't really in a good place at this time," Derek tells him, shrugging one shoulder. "I was pretty much just living in the woods as a wolf. I think it was partly to get me to act like a person again."

He still isn't sure of that, but he thinks that might have been part of Castiel's reasoning for inviting him. He is married to a ghost hunter, after all. "I shifted back and walked around the lodge with him, and we made sure the ghosts weren't a threat. Dean would have taken care of them if they were."

[puckandpie]

"Oh," I reply, my smile immediately fading. After everything that happened in that other Darrow, after everything I saw, it isn't difficult at all to imagine Derek hurting so much he'd resorted to spending most of his time just as a wolf.

Not for the first time, I'm so, so glad he's found friends here to help him, people who genuinely care for him and see all the good he still can't.

"Did it work?" I ask, still cradling my cocoa between two hands.

[triskehale]

"A little, I think," Derek admits. He's a little embarrassed of how he acted, but it's what he had needed to heal. "I just needed time, mostly. But I had responsibilities, and I had people who cared about me. I just needed to remember that."

He looks over at Bitty with a soft smile. "There's always a chance that I might need to do that, just for a day or so. But not that long, I don't think. I have more reasons to stay human."

And Bitty is one of them. A big one, if he's honest.

[puckandpie]

It sounds like a warning, or maybe just a heads up, something to remember if I ever notice he's gone for awhile. Nodding, I store it away, grateful that I know what he looks like as a wolf in case I ever need to go looking, and more grateful still that he trusts me enough to tell me this at all.

"I can understand wanting to get away for awhile," I tell him. "I'm honestly a little jealous you can. But glad too. That you can." Then, screwing up some courage and making sure he's looking right at me, that he can see how much I mean it, I add, l "But I really like having you around as a human and not just because you're very pretty to look at. I like talking to you and spending time with you and if there's ever anything I can do to remind you of good things, even if it's just baking you a pie or taking you skating, I want to do it. Please remember that."