puckandpie | kagura - dated to 12/7

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derek

kagura - dated to 12/7

My first trip to Kagura hadn't been a total bust by any means. Sure, going up with both Simon and Baz had been a little awkward and Simon spontaneously turning into a human torch under that enchanted mistletoe had been nothing short of absolutely terrifying, but the skiing had been a lot of fun and the cocoa really was delicious.

Something about the place is a little magical, too. I mean, obviously, this entire town is magical, but nestled up in the mountains with all that crisp, white snow... it's almost like a fairy tale. Or, at the very least, like being in one of those jewelry store commercials that always aired around Christmas back home.

I've managed to bribe Derek into going up with me again even though I know he's gone once already and it's been just as much fun so far as I'd hoped. He'd shifted almost as soon as we got up here, his black fur stark against the bright white snow. It's the first time I've seen him in his wolf form since that other Darrow, but even if it's harder to read him like this, it's easy to tell he's a lot more relaxed than he had been back there. And it at least seems like he's having fun, his paws kicking up snow as he runs along beside me, occasionally darting in front of me, playfully weaving as I shift my body weight to avoid him.

At the bottom of each hill, I scratch behind his ears and pet along his back, laughing as he excitedly dances around me and throws up snow with the tip of his nose. He's adorable and so wonderfully carefree and I'm more than a little reluctant to call a stop to the fun when the grumbling of my stomach becomes too loud to ignore.

"How about that first round of cocoa?" I ask him as I pull off my snow goggles. My muscles are singing pleasantly and brush my fingers along Derek's muzzle. "And maybe lunch? Or do you wanna go a few more rounds first?"

I know he can't exactly speak to me like this, but I know he'll be able to tell me what he wants in one way or another.

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Derek had been reluctant to come up here after the events of the other day, but Bitty had been excited about it and obviously wanted to go, so Derek agreed. He decides to spend much of the time as a wolf, and it ends up being a lot of fun. The company is great, and Derek runs alongside him down the slopes, racing him down. The natives don't seem to pay much attention to him and at one point, he even rides the ski lift up with him, ears perked and panting the whole way.

When Bitty touches his nose, Derek licks his fingers and playfully snaps at them, but his ears perk at the sound of cocoa and food. He presses forward and noses at Bitty's stomach, tapping it with his nose a few times before looking up at him with a big wolfish grin, tongue lolling out.

It's impossible not to giggle when Derek's pink tongue flicks out at my fingers, gnawing on them playfully. He butts his head up against my belly and I take that to mean he might be as hungry as I am.

"Hang on," I tell him before wrestling my phone out from deep inside the pocket of my ski pants. Grinning, I quickly take a picture of him, his tongue lolling and ears perked and think about tweeting it before deciding to keep it just for myself. I shove my phone back into my pocket and then bend over to press a kiss to the top of his furry head and dig my fingers into scratch at his thick ruff.

Standing up again, I nod over toward the lodge and start walking. Or at least I try. The skis make that hard, obviously, but not impossible. "You don't have to change back if you don't want to," I tell him, my fingertips grazing his back. "I'm not sure they'll let you inside like this, but I can run in and get you something and we can eat out here."

Derek huffs when Bitty takes a picture of him, but he gets over it soon enough. He presses into the scratches, tail wagging as he lets out a pleased rumble of a growl. When Bitty starts walking, Derek trots alongside him and lets out another amused huff at the trouble he's having.

He shakes his head and bites at the bottom of Bitty's ski jacket, giving it a tug to let him know that he'll change. Once they're finally at the top of the hill, Derek shakes the snow out of his fur and heads into the trees where he hid his clothes, looking over his shoulder and letting out a bark to make sure that Bitty follows.

Even as a wolf, that huff is unmistakeable and I shoot him a quick glance. "Don't you laugh at me," I tell him, though I can't fight my smile all the same. I know I must look ridiculous, but that's just part of the fun.

I only stop when he tugs at my jackets and then darts off, disappearing behind the trees a few yards off where he'd left his clothes earlier. "I'm comin'!" I call after him, making my way over.

I resolutely do not think about the fact that Derek's going to be standing behind those trees stark naked in only a matter of seconds, if he's not already. Instead, I focus on worrying about his poor bare feet in the snow and the bite of the chill against his skin. Even his clothes are bound to be frigid at this point, I know. "Next time we do this, I'm gonna bring up one of those insulated foil blankets for your clothes," I tell him, bending over to unsnap my boots from the skis. "And maybe a mat for your feet. I know you'll probably tell me that you're used to it and that your werewolf abilities keep you all nice and toasty, but I can't imagine it feels good to slip into a frigid pair of pants!"

"It's not the greatest," Derek admits, shivering as he pulls on his jeans. "But I warm up quick enough."

He does have to smile at Bitty's thoughtfulness as he pulls on his henley, and then his socks and boots. The leather jacket comes last, and he pats his pockets to make sure that everything his there as he emerges from the trees.

"Now, I believe you mentioned lunch," Derek says, grabbing Bitty's skis to hold them under one arm as he heads for the lodge. "And a gallon of hot cocoa."

Derek -- human form Derek -- steps out from behind the trees, handsome as ever in his jeans and leather jacket, and I can't help but smile at him. I let him take my skis as we walk back toward the lodge.

"If you actually manage to drink a full gallon of hot cocoa, I'll have to... I don't even know, honestly. I can't imagine that could be good for you as delicious as I'm sure it'd taste." The lodge is about as busy as I'd except given that it's just a little after lunch time, people walking in and out in various degrees of winter wear. I stomp my boots off on the front porch before stepping through the door. It looks just as I remember too, though there's no smell of sulfur or burning curtains this time.

"Be careful in here," I tell him, not bothering to hide my unease. "I came up with Simon last week and he got stuck under the mistletoe and burst into flames."

"I'll make it work," Derek assures him, stomping the snow off of his own boots before following Bitty inside, and then he feels a lot of things all at once. He tenses at the mention of the mistletoe, and then of Simon. He hadn't realized that Bitty had already been up here, but all those thoughts are wiped away by the mention of flames.

"He burst into flames?" Derek asks, sounding vaguely panicked as the color drains from his face. It's an instinctual reaction, and he feels a little foolish for it right after. Simon must be fine, somehow, or Bitty certainly wouldn't be here.

Derek's voice goes tight in seconds and I glance up at him, unsure I've said wrong as I watch his face go pale. And then I realize in a flash, guilt spiking through me as I round to face him, my hands on his arms.

"Oh goodness, not like that! I'm sorry, I wasn't thinkin' at all. Simon is a wizard and sometimes when he gets stressed out, he... he goes off. That's how he puts it anyway. It just means his magic overwhelms him and fire bursts out. It doesn't hurt people though because it's just magic, not fire. He's okay! Everyone's okay. Not a single person was hurt."

My words come out all in a rush and I squeeze Derek's forearms lightly as I try to quiet myself, still watching him carefully, guilt just rolling over and over in my belly. "I'm really sorry, I should've worded that better."

"Oh," Derek replies, feeling a little stupid for more than one reason. He swallows hard and nods, looking down at Bitty's hands on his arms before giving him a small smile and stepping further into the lodge. "I didn't know you'd already been up here. And here I thought it was your first time."

He doesn't really get why he wanted to come up here again with Derek if he was just up here with the guy he's dating, but that's okay. He may not like this place much, but he likes Bitty.

Derek seems to relax a little and, feeling a wave of embarrassment when he looks down at my hands on his arms, I carefully pull them away, following as he steps past me into the lodge.

"Well, it was... kind of a weird trip," I admit, stomach twisting at the memory. "We accidentally got on the same tram as his ex-roommate Baz, who definitely doesn't like me much and either absolutely hates Simon or is in love with him, I can't tell. And the whole day was cut short when Simon went off. We left before lunch."

I know it's stupid to have been disappointed about that day and probably even stupider to have asked Derek to come up with me this time given that I know he's already gone. But it had been a nice excuse to hang out with him outside of Semele's and I couldn't get the idea out of my head once it was in there. "Don't worry, I'll have plenty of other first times," I tell him, forcing myself not to shy away from the double entendre.

"That does sound like a weird trip," Derek tells him, wincing in sympathy. Part of him wonders if maybe Kagura is just all around cursed, but he does get why Bitty might have wanted to come up again. "I'm sure you guys will have plenty of other opportunities for dates."

Derek's face scrunches up awkwardly for a moment, and he lets out a soft huff of laughter. "And other first times."

That isn't really something that he wants to think about, so he bites his lip and then jerks his finger towards the cafe. "Cocoa?"

My meager attempt at flirting falls completely flat, stomach plummeting as Derek scrunches his face and huffs a tired laugh like I've said something truly distasteful. I can feel my face already going red and I turn away, nodding.

"Yes, cocoa!" I say a little too loudly, glad for the distraction. "Why don't you go find us a place to relax and I'll go get us some."

I don't wait for him to respond before hurrying off, needing some distance to breathe and talk some sense back into myself. The counter is clear on the other side of the lodge and I weave through the groups of people, keeping my head down as I remind myself it's okay that Derek doesn't like me the way I do him, that I need to stop trying so hard before he gets a clue and pulls away. It's honestly not going so well, my stomach churning and chest tight when I feel something grab me from behind.

Or, that's what it feels like at first. But there's no one behind me, no one touching me at all. But I can't move.

Horrified, I glance upward and my suspicions are confirmed. That twist in my stomach only tightens as I bring my hands to my face. Goodness, I am not going to cry. Not here. Not right now.

Bitty practically runs away from him, and Derek isn't sure what he's said. He blinks and follows after him with a furrowed brow, wondering why he suddenly smells so anxious. It gets detrimentally worse once he stops moving, and his heart starts pounding away.

"What is it?" Derek asks when he approaches, but he follows his gaze upward and his lips thin out when he catches sight of the mistletoe. "Hey, Bitty. It's okay. I was stuck under this the other day. Take a breath. You're going to be fine."

I really really do not want to have to ask a total stranger to kiss me. Not only does it just feel pathetic, but it's not like I've kissed that many people in my life. It's stupid maybe, but kissing still feels special to me.

But after seeing this happen to Simon, I know how this works. I know it's the only way out.

I drop my hands at the sound of Derek's voice, my eyes wide as I look up at him. He's worried, I can tell, his brow furrowed and lips drawn into a thin line. I'm sure it's because he can hear my heart beating about a mile a minute, can probably smell how anxious I am. And he'll help me, I know he will. And it'll be both the best and absolute worst thing that's ever happened to me.

"I know," I tell him, my shoulders slumping. "I know how it works, I just. I don't." I don't want the first and probably only time Derek ever kisses me to be because he has to. But I can't just say that. Not to mention the fact that I have no idea what this means in regards to Simon. We're not... I mean, we're dating, but we're not dating, I don't think. Would he care if I kissed someone else? Would he care that I want to, so so badly?

I force myself to take a breath as instructed, press the heel of my hand against my eye. "You don't have to," I tell him and goodness, I really do sound pathetic. "I mean, it can't last forever, can it? I won't die here."

"You don't what?" Derek asks, tilting his head curiously. "Want me to kiss you?"

He frowns a little at that, because he had thought that Bitty was attracted to him, at least. Derek has kissed him on the temple, and Bitty kissed him all over his face, back in that other Darrow. Sure, that was different, but and Bitty are pretty affectionate, and Derek doesn't think it'd be that big of a deal.

"Okay," Derek says quietly, wondering if maybe it's because of Simon. They are dating, after all. He looks at Bitty for a long moment and thinks about how easily he could fix this, how it wouldn't even be hard, and bites his bottom lip. "Should I call Simon, then? You can't move until someone kisses you."

He's giving me an out and I'm so, so tempted to take it. Except I have no idea what Simon's doing today and I don't want to interrupt if he has plans. Not to mention, it would take him at least an hour to get here and I don't really want to just stand here while people stare at me for that long.

"No," I finally manage after a long moment and moves still comes out a little strangled. "No, I just. I didn't want--"

Thing is, I've lied to Derek before. By omission, yes, and he was kind enough to forgive me when the truth finally came out, but I don't really like the idea of doing it again. At least not right to his face.

I have to stop again and force myself to take a breath.

"I want to kiss you," I finally manage, keeping my head ducked. I really really do not want to face either rejection or pity right now. I feel like I can barely breathe. "I've. I've wanted to. Just not like this."

"Oh," Derek says after a long moment. He isn't sure why Bitty is so embarrassed, and he reaches out to hook a finger under Bitty's chin to lift his head. Derek isn't terribly surprised by the information, and it does make him feel good. "Can I tell you something?"

He waits for Bitty to look up at him, and Derek smiles indulgently at him, with an unmistakable warmth in his eyes. "Back in that other place, after-- when you were saying all those things. I almost kissed you then."

It's easy enough to admit, and Derek smiles at him. He hadn't done it because it hadn't seemed right then, and maybe it isn't right now, but there's no reason for Bitty to be embarrassed by this, or to feel bad. "So how about I kiss you now, and it isn't because of this," he says, gesturing up at the mistletoe. "It's just that kiss, but delayed a bit."

Edited 2015-12-11 06:58 (UTC)

Derek's voice is soft and kind and he slips a finger under my chin to gently tip my face upward. I don't fight it, though my stomach does yet another unpleasant turn and I hold my breath for a moment, preparing for the pity and the gentle, 'Okay, but just this once.'

What he actually says isn't at all what I'm expecting.

I think my heart actually stops for a second.

"I really wanted you to," I confess, barely a whisper as I stare up at him. "Was it... was it just because you were feeling so terrible?" I realize as soon as I've asked that I shouldn't've. That I probably really don't want to know the answer so I shake my head. "Nevermind, that's not." I have to pause for a second. Take another breath.

"I like thinking of it that way. The delayed thing." It's certainly better than thinking he's only doing this because he feels like he has to, even if that's exactly what it is. For right now, right in this moment, I can pretend it's different. I keep my face tipped up and summon every bit of courage in my body to push up onto my toes. "Please kiss me."

"It wasn't because I was feeling terrible," Derek assures him. "It was because you made me feel good, even then."

Bitty pushes up onto his toes and Derek smiles down at him, moving a hand up to cup his cheek. He thinks back to what Kate said at Thanksgiving, and about his own confusing tangle of feelings. He isn't sure what this means, if it means anything, or if it will lead to anything else.

All he knows is that right now, Bitty needs to be kissed, and Derek is happy to offer that. Bitty tips his face up and Derek leans in easily, ducking his head to press his lips softly to Bitty's.

Goodness, I make him feel good.

That alone is probably enough to put me on cloud nine for awhile if the touch of his hand on my cheek and the way he draws me closer doesn't do it. I don't know what to do with my hands. I want to rest them on his forearms or his waist, but it that feels like pushing too far when just this is so much more than I could've hoped for. So I keep them held awkwardly against my belly and I do my best to smother the quiet whine that squeaks past my throat.

His lips are soft and his beard scratches only just a little and I want so, so badly to press in for more, but I force myself to pull back, my heart still beating wildly as I stare at him.

The curse has dropped, I can tell, it's hold on me released.

But I don't want to step away. Not yet.

Bitty's lips are warm and soft, and Derek barely gets a taste of them before Bitty is pulling away. The spell is broken, and Derek grips the back of his neck and tugs him away from the mistletoe.

"There you go," Derek says, and he almost lets go, but he can't quite make himself. He leans in to give Bitty another soft kiss, this one lingering for a moment, just so he knows that Derek didn't kiss him just to break the spell. He pulls back and smiles at him before dropping his hand, and takes a deep breath to quell his own fluttering heart. "All good?"

Derek gently steers me out from beneath the mistletoe with a hand on the back of my neck. It's a wonder my legs don't just give out beneath me, but I can't stop staring up at him.

We've moved just a couple steps, his smile sweet and kind and and before I know it he's leaning down again, my eyes going wide and heart tripping as he presses another kiss. This one lingers and I actually do rest my hands on his arms if only so I don't topple right over.

I really, really don't want to stop.

He's the first to pull away this time and I stare at him as he takes a breath. I'd give almost anything to know what he's thinking right now, but all I can do is nod, swallowing tightly. "So... so much more than good," I admit with a quick laugh. "Oh my god. Uhm. Thank you. For... for that."

Derek smiles at Bitty's reaction, chuckling fondly and ducking his head for a moment. He swallows and then rolls his lips into his mouth before nudging Bitty with his shoulder. "Go find us some seats near the fire. I'll get the cocoa."

He lets his gaze linger on the pink flush of Bitty's cheeks for a moment before he finally tears himself away and steps up to the counter, letting out a huge breath before placing their order.

I want to argue that I'm supposed to get the cocoa, but I'm too dazed and, as I come off my cloud, I can feel the embarrassment creeping in. So I only nod, swallowing tightly as I turn to go find us some chairs by the fire as instructed.

Luckily, there are two right next to each other and I pick the one farthest from the fire place, sitting primly as I go over what just happened. The first kiss makes sense, of course. I was stuck and he was nice enough to free me. The second... pity, maybe? I know Derek has no problem kissing his friends, that it just means he cares or... well, for some, I'm sure it means he's attracted to them.

I don't know what this means except that I'm pathetic and probably thinking way too much.

Pulling my phone out, considering tweeting. Except Derek follows me. I have no idea how often he actually checks his feed, but I know he's seen at least a few of my tweets so I'd better not.

Quickly shoving it back in my pocket, I force myself to take a breath and lift my head to smile casually when Derek comes back with our cocoa.

Derek catches a faint whiff of embarrassment as Bitty walks away, and he frowns slightly as he gets in line to get their cocoa. He really hopes that he didn't just screw anything up between them. Bitty said that he wanted it, and Derek did too. It was a nice kiss, soft and sweet. Those aren't usually the kisses that Derek receives.

He decides that it's probably best not to dwell on it, and he brings the two mugs of cocoa over to the fireplace. After setting one down on the table next to Bitty's chair, he drops carefully down into the one next to him. He lets out a content sigh and looks out of the big bay windows before taking a sip. "It is nice up here, I suppose."

Derek doesn't take long at all with the cocoa and I've mostly figured out how to breathe by the time he returns, smiling up at him as he places one of the mugs on the table next to me.

"Why, thank you, Mr. Hale," I say, picking up the mug and holding it in two hands as he takes the seat next to me.

We're both quiet for a moment, the silence more tense than it ever is between us and I glance over eventually to see him looking out the window, his expression thoughtful.

The cocoa is still a little too hot to drink but I keep it held close to my face, letting it warm my hands while I inhale the delicious aroma. "You suppose?" That sounds... a little unsure," I tell him with a quiet laugh and my voice turns teasing. "Does it not meet your standards?"

"I wasn't thrilled about this place opening back up," Derek admits after a moment. He finds that it's easy to be honest with Bitty, and to open up to him. About some things, at least. "Something good happened here last year, something that hurts to think about now."

He goes quiet for a moment, sipping his cocoa and looking out of the window before smiling warmly over at Bitty. "But I suppose it's dumb to blame the place. Might as well make new memories."

His smile is warm, kind as ever, and try to return it best I can, though it comes out a little uncertain, weighted down with a tinge of worry. And curiosity too, if I'm honest. My gut is telling me it's about Stiles, a memory that used to be sweet, but hurts now that he's gone. It makes sense, of course, and my heart aches for him.

But I'm not sure where concern ends and nosiness begins so I hesitate for a moment before reaching over to lightly squeeze his arm. "Well. If you wanna talk about it, I hope you know you can," I tell him, staring down at the fabric of his shirt under my thumb before looking, making sure he can see that I mean it. "And if you don't want to that's fine, too. But anything you've got weighing on your mind or your heart, I'm always happy to help bear if you ever need it."

"I know," Derek tells him, looking down at Bitty's hand on his arm and then smiling at him. Bitty is just so sincere, so genuine and obvious about how much he cares, and sometimes Derek doesn't know what to do with it all.

"Stiles ended things between us," Derek finds himself saying, and it's strange. Bitty knows Stiles, or at least whatever version was portrayed on the show about them. It almost makes it easier to talk about him, in a way. "We sort of got back together here, on New Year's Eve. It was good for awhile, but then he was gone."

He swallows hard and then shrugs a shoulder, smiling wryly. "I'm okay now. It was just weird to be back up here."

"Oh," I breathe, sliding my hand down his arm to curl over his hand instead, squeezing lightly. It's not exactly the story I'd been expecting even if I'd gotten part of it right in my head. I've heard about people leaving this place, of course. I've heard how it seems to happen at random, just out of nowhere, in a flash just like how we got here in the first place.

Is it better or worse to make up with your boyfriend right before they disappear? God, I didn't even know they'd broken up at all.

Suddenly, that memory of Stiles in that other version of Darrow is so, so much worse.

"Goodness, I'm so sorry," I tell him, setting aside cup of cocoa so I can focus on him entirely, both my hands curled around one of his. "I knew were reluctant to come up here, but I didn't... I had no idea that was why. I swear, if I'd known, I wouldn't have pestered."

Derek smiles softly and looks down at his hand enveloped between Bitty's, curling his thumb around Bitty's. He nods and lets out a deep, cleansing breath before looking up at him. "I know you wouldn't have, but really, it's fine. Once I got up here, it wasn't so bad."

He leans back against the chair and laughs a little, mostly at himself. "I built it up in my head. I tend to do that."

Derek breathes and relaxes back in the chair and I watch as his expression does ease a little, lips curving up into a smile. He could be pretending, of course, to make me feel less horribly guilty, but I don't think he is. Or at least that isn't his primary motivation. I hope.

"I know how that goes," I tell him with a soft huff of a laugh myself, squeezing his hand. "I'm pretty famous for that, actually. Especially back home. I mean, my team captain had to set up morning one-on-one practices just to try to teach me to not build things up in my head. It was that level of bad." I don't mention how I also tend to build up the good things, how I see things that aren't really there, how I hope for too much.

Ducking my head a little to try to see his eyes, I ask, "But it's not so bad now? Is it the cocoa? It's a long way to go for cocoa, but I think it might be the best in the city."

"The cocoa, the snow," he begins, looking over at Bitty with a smile, "the company. It ended up being a really good day."

He squeezes Bitty's hand before letting go, settling back into his chair and looking out the window. There are a group of kids snow tubing, and Derek smiles as one of them lets out a giddy shriek that Derek can hear all the way from here. He looks back at Bitty, and it's obvious by Derek's face that he's in a good mood. "What about you? I'm way more fun in wolf form, aren't I?"

He really does have such a nice smile and I can't help but like it even more when it's directed right at me and when it feels like it's there because of something I've had a hand in. And I know he could just be saying all this to make me feel better after the mistletoe incident -- which I'm likely to start referring to in capital letters eventually -- but he seems so sincere. And I want to believe he really means it, I want to believe he really has had a nice day despite everything.

Derek squeezes my hand one last time and lets go and I ignore the pang in my chest to reach for my mug of cocoa again, watching him. "You're adorable in wolf form," I tell him, grinning over the rim of my mug. "I wouldn't necessarily say more fun though. I'd like to think we have fun even when you're in your boring ol' human body," I tell him with a wink.

"Adorable, huh?" Derek asks with a laugh, shaking his head in amusement. "I guess I'll take it."

Truthfully, he's pleased that Bitty is so comfortable around Derek as a wolf. It's like he accepts all of him, every part, and he's grateful for that. He smiles at Bitty's wink, and returns it with one of his own, letting his eye shine red as he does. "What else did you want to do while we're up here?"

For just a moment, just a flicker of a second, Derek's eyes go red. I've seen it before, of course, on the show, but it seeing it in person feels a whole lot different. I have the feeling I shouldn't really find it hot, that it should probably scare me a little in the same way Simon bursting into flames did. Except I know Derek's powers and I know he would never hurt me.

Neither would Simon, I'm sure. But it still feels different.

Goodness, I really shouldn't be thinking about any of this right now. So I take another sip of my cocoa and hum while I think it over. "Well, we've already done what I wanted most. Guess I can write 'Ski with a Werewolf' off my bucket list! Do you think we could take a look around the lodge though? I've heard it's haunted, but I really didn't get to check it out at all last time."

"Was that one high up there?" Derek asks with a laugh, sipping his own cocoa. He hums and nods, looking out the window thoughtfully. "It is. Or at least it was last year, but the spirits are pretty harmless."

He looks over at Bitty after a moment to explain. "Castiel asked me to come check this place out with him last year."

I know Castiel, of course. Not really from the show as I stopped watching before he was on, but I know him from tumblr. And from Derek's Thanksgiving dinner.

"You came up here specifically to look for ghosts?" I ask, marveling a little just at the option and opportunity. "Was he hoping you could wolf out on them or something?"

"I wasn't really in a good place at this time," Derek tells him, shrugging one shoulder. "I was pretty much just living in the woods as a wolf. I think it was partly to get me to act like a person again."

He still isn't sure of that, but he thinks that might have been part of Castiel's reasoning for inviting him. He is married to a ghost hunter, after all. "I shifted back and walked around the lodge with him, and we made sure the ghosts weren't a threat. Dean would have taken care of them if they were."

"Oh," I reply, my smile immediately fading. After everything that happened in that other Darrow, after everything I saw, it isn't difficult at all to imagine Derek hurting so much he'd resorted to spending most of his time just as a wolf.

Not for the first time, I'm so, so glad he's found friends here to help him, people who genuinely care for him and see all the good he still can't.

"Did it work?" I ask, still cradling my cocoa between two hands.

"A little, I think," Derek admits. He's a little embarrassed of how he acted, but it's what he had needed to heal. "I just needed time, mostly. But I had responsibilities, and I had people who cared about me. I just needed to remember that."

He looks over at Bitty with a soft smile. "There's always a chance that I might need to do that, just for a day or so. But not that long, I don't think. I have more reasons to stay human."

And Bitty is one of them. A big one, if he's honest.

It sounds like a warning, or maybe just a heads up, something to remember if I ever notice he's gone for awhile. Nodding, I store it away, grateful that I know what he looks like as a wolf in case I ever need to go looking, and more grateful still that he trusts me enough to tell me this at all.

"I can understand wanting to get away for awhile," I tell him. "I'm honestly a little jealous you can. But glad too. That you can." Then, screwing up some courage and making sure he's looking right at me, that he can see how much I mean it, I add, l "But I really like having you around as a human and not just because you're very pretty to look at. I like talking to you and spending time with you and if there's ever anything I can do to remind you of good things, even if it's just baking you a pie or taking you skating, I want to do it. Please remember that."

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kagura - dated to 12/7

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