puckandpie | [mid-june] #15 & #1 back on the ice

[mid-june] #15 & #1 back on the ice

Ever since Jack first mentioned wanting to try his skates on again, it's taken nearly all my willpower not to ask about it every single day. It's enough to know that the desire is there at all after everything. It's been months and months now and I was really starting to think maybe he's given it up for good, but just one single statement had been enough to get my hopes soaring all over again.

When he'd mentioned it again a few days later, totally unprompted, I'd jumped at the chance, this time getting a projected day and time out of him and penciling it into my schedule. (And maybe moving around a couple other things to make room for it.)

To my delight and surprise, Jack hadn't even once attempted to squirm out of the date we'd planned and now here we are, walking back into DIA with our skates instead of our swimsuits and I feel like I'm about to vibrate right outta my skin with excitement.

"We can use my pass," I tell him, marching right up to the counter to have it stamped for the both of us. "I come here often enough that I get free skates all the time. And they'll even take music requests sometimes.

Melissa, the girl behind the desk today, smiles wide as I hand over my card and I feel my face flush a little when her eyes immediately slide to Jack and then widen with interest. "New friend, Eric?" she asks, all coy as she gives punches two holes in my card.

"Not new, actually," I tell her, stuck somewhere between nervous and smug when I look over at Jack. Even now, I'm not sure how much he wants strangers to know so I decide to err on the side of caution and smile at her kindly. "We've known each other for years. Went to school together back home. Jack, this is Melissa. Melissa, this is Jack."

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My skates have stayed tucked away in my closet with the rest of my hockey gear since I got here, and I have a lot of mixed feelings about taking them out. The rest of it stays for now. We're just skating today. One step at a time.

Bits is right by my side as we walk into the facility, and it feels like any one of those times that we walked into Faber. But it's not. I know it's not. There are stakes riding on this skate and that should make it easier, but I don't know.

Thankfully, I'm distracted from my thoughts when we reach the counter. The girl looks me over in a way that I can't quite decipher. "Hello, Melissa. Yeah, I decided that it was time to come keep him company on the ice. Hopefully I'll get lucky and he'll show me some moves."

Melissa practically lights up the second Jack starts talking to her and it's talking all my control not to roll my eyes. Jack's as clueless as ever and I try for my most sincere-sounding laugh as I give him a nudge with my elbow. "Please. Like you can't skate rings around me."

It's sorta true. Jack is no figure skater and I'm definitely faster, but he has pure bulk and power on his side. I mean, he wasn't a hockey superstar for nothing.

"I'm off in an hour," Melissa says then, all wide smiles and eyelashes. "If you wanna hang around a little after you're done, I can show you some moves myself."

"Oh goodness," I breathe in a laugh, reaching across the counter real quick to snatch my card back. "Thanks for the invite, but we both have plans right after this. I'm sure you'll be seein' lots more of Jack soon though so don't you go worryin' your pretty little head."

I'll be the first to admit that I'm sort of terrible at reading different tones and cues from people, but I'm getting better at it with Bits. His tone towards the girl is positively icy, yet disguised by that sugary sweet way that Southern people tell you that you're dumb to your face. I'm confused for a moment, blinking over at the girl.

"Thanks, but I'm dating a figure skater. I think he's got it covered," I tell her with a smile, reaching out to rest my hand on Bits' shoulder. "You ready to go?"

Jack's response is about the last thing I'm expecting and I very nearly trip over my own feet when he drops a hand on my shoulder. My face must be bright red and I barely even register the look of shock on Melissa's face before I'm giving a stilted sort of nod and hurrying toward one of the nearby benches.

I'm not sure if I should make any sort of deal out of it. Probably not. If Jack isn't freaking out about it, I definitely shouldn't be.

"You're probably so used to stuff like that it doesn't even register anymore, aren't you?" I say instead though my ears still feel hot. I drop down onto my usual bench and kick off my sandals before opening my bag to pull out my skates. "She was nearly throwin' herself at you!"

"What stuff?" I ask, a little alarmed by just how red Bits' face is. Maybe I shouldn't have said that we were dating? But he also didn't seem to like it when I didn't. I sit down next to him with a furrowed brow, but they rise up towards my hairline at what he says next. "Oh, was she? I didn't even notice. And even if I had, it doesn't matter."

I pull of my sneakers and open my bag, staring down at my skates. Bits cleaned them for me after I got here, and they're gleaming brightly. I swallow hard. "I'm with you, okay? I'm with you, and we're gonna skate."

It doesn't matter. Of course it doesn't. As unbelievable as it still feels sometimes, Jack is with me, and he seems to be happy about it. Sure, he still has moments where it's not easy for him, but I still have those moments myself and I've been out of the closet a lot longer than he has.

All I can do is make sure he never regrets being with me.

When I look over again, Jack's staring down at his skates, looking a little bit terrified. I already have one of mine on and laced up and I reach over to squeeze his arm. "You're with me and I'm with you and we're gonna skate," I agree, my voice quiet but firm. "C'mon, that skate isn't gonna lace itself, Mr. Zimmermann."

"Yeah, we're gonna skate," I agree, nodding sternly and reaching for my skates again. This is something that I've done hundreds, if not thousands of times, but this time I find my fingers trembling. Still, it's muscle memory at this point and before long, I have both skates on and laced up. It feels good. It feels-- well, a little like coming home, actually. Sure, there is no NHL glory in my feature, but I still have this. That will have to be enough.

"Okay," I say, standing up smoothly and taking a deep breath. "I'm ready. Let's get out there, fifteen."

Even just watching Jack put on his skates again feels incredible, like something I never thought I'd see and I have to swallow back all my jittery excitement. Instead, I distract myself by lacing up my other one and getting to my feet, grinning as he stands up on his own blades seconds later.

We're not in our uniforms, not even so much as in any padding, but it still feels a little bit like home with the sounds around and the smell of cold air.

"Follow me, Captain," I tell him, tossing him a grin as I lead him through the big green doors into the rink area. It's still open skate, but it's not too busy right now with only a few couples and individuals out skating to the music. I don't give Jack a second to overthink anything, heading straight to the door and opening it with a click, holding it wide for Jack.

Bits holds the door open and I move through it, holding myself carefully as to not damage the blades on my skates. It's a nice facility, I think as I take in the rink. Immediately, I start to make mental notes of all the advantages and disadvantages as a player, but then I remember that it doesn't matter.

There are only a few people on the ice, but they all look like they're having fun. There's a small boy on tiny skates and he glides across the ice before falling flat on his ass. A man who must be his father is laughing, but his face is kind as he leans over to help him up. He doesn't look disappointed at all.

They're skating for fun. I take a deep breath and step onto the ice. I glide across it gracefully, turning in a circle and skating backwards as I give Bits a smile.

I'm okay. This is good.

Jack moves carefully, stepping onto the ice like he's afraid he's forgotten how to skate in all these months. It's a ridiculous notion, of course. I think Jack was probably skating before he was even walking; he takes to the ice like he was born for it. Probably because he was.

His hesitation doesn't last too long at least as he slips forward and spins around to face me, smiling.

"Feel good?" I ask him, pushing off to follow after him, moving easily and slowly. We're not in practice, this is just a leisurely skate around the rink. No pressure. I give him a teasing wink. "Feel like you've got your sea legs back?"

"No chirping," I tell him, but there's a smile on my face. It feels so good, like taking a deep breath after months of having something sitting on my chest. It does come with some rough emotions, like the reminder of all that I've lost, but I do my best to focus on Bits and not the anxious voice in my head.

"Come here, Bits. Stay close to me, okay?" I say, not bothering to hide the need in my voice. "Hold my hand."

The second he asks me to stay close, I'm already reaching for his hand, sliding it easily in his and squeezing tight. As simple a thing as this is, I know it's a big deal for him. There's no way it couldn't be. I'm not sure what sort of support I can be right now, but if there's anything he needs from me, I want to give it.

"Have you ever thought about figure skating at all?" I ask him when start making another lap. "Like, even a little bit?"

"Doing it? No," I say, shoulders relaxing a bit as he reaches for my hand. I told it tightly in my own and let out a breath, feeling the slight panic dissipate. We start to move together, just slow and easy across the rink, and I look down at the ice. "Not-- not that I looked down on it or anything. Those guys are real athletes, no doubt about that."

I've seen a lot of figure skating in my life, just because so much of it was spent on ice. It's amazing the way that some of them can move, and all the power they possess. It's far more delicate than hockey, but no less disciplined. And definitely not any easier, I'm sure. I look over at Bits with a crooked, wistful smile and shrug one shoulder. "It just-- uh, it wasn't in my plan, you know?"

I'll admit it, when I first started at Samwell, I was a little nervous about how the other guys might take my figure skating past. I hadn't kept it a secret, mostly because I was determined not to be in the closet over something else, but it sure was nerve-wracking the first time I let it spill.

But all the guys had been amazing, really. Looking back, I shouldn't have expected anything else.

Jack had been quiet, but he was usually quiet back then. If anything, he was probably just disappointed that the conversation wasn't on hockey in some fashion.

It's a relief to know now that he wasn't really judging me and I give his hand another light squeeze, trying for grateful and reassuring both at once. "Well, what about now?" I ask him. "Now that the plan's changed a little bit. You were talkin' before about how you wanted to learn to do a lift -- what if I actually teach you some stuff? We can work up to the lifts part."

"I could be into that," I tell him, nodding thoughtfully as I look at him. Figure skating is something new to focus on, something that has to do with my beloved ice.

And my beloved Bits.

"Yeah," I say, more excitedly now. Pulling away from him, I skate off and glide around in a graceful figure eight. "Show me some of that spin-o-rama, champion."

To be honest, I thought I'd have to do a bit more arm-twisting, have to sell it a little more, but Jack agrees almost right off the bat and, for a moment, all I can do is stare at him in surprise before letting out a quick laugh.

"Oh goodness, now you're putting me on the spot," I tell him, watching as he skates away. Jack's always so gorgeously fluid when he skates. He obviously has the training of a hockey player and not a figure skater, but he moves so gracefully I'm sure that someone off the street wouldn't have any idea.

And it's good to see that months off the ice haven't hurt that grace any.

I bite my lip for a second and then force myself to take a breath. There's no reason to be nervous -- it's just Jack. Even if I fall or flub somehow, I know he won't judge me. And it's not like he hasn't seen me do this before, though this time I'm not in fully hockey gear.

I wait for a little break in the skating before pushing off, easily slipping into a glide around the rink to gain speed, ignoring the weight of Jack's gaze on me as I jump into a quick one-foot axel and then straight into a sow, landing perfectly before flipping to skate backwards and then melting into an easy scratch spin. It's exhilarating, honestly. Even if I'm not really warmed up at all and I turn at the end to see what Jack thinks.

Having Bits out here on the ice displaying his talent gives me something else to focus on. It's a welcome distraction that keeps my mind from wandering, not to much that it's a damn delight to watch. I glide along the ice slowly, eyes widening as he does a few moves that leave me stunned.

The way that he moves is gorgeous, and it displays the power in his compact muscles without distracting at all from just how graceful it is. A few delighted gasps echo around the rink and I add my own wolf whistle to it, clapping a few times as I skate back over to him. "Bits, that was amazing! Absolutely beautiful."

There are a few people clapping when I scrape the toe of my blade against the ice to come to a stop and I feel my face flush warm under the attention. But it's Jack's approval that means the most of course and I can't help the flood of warmth that rushes through me when I see him grinning at me, hear the pierce of a whistle from his lips.

"It could've been a lot smoother, but I'm not really warmed up right now," I confess as I push off to skate alongside him again. "I've been practicing though. I've got a couple routines I've been workin' on that I think I might show off in a couple months. Oh, Jack! Maybe we could do one together? I haven't done pairs since I was twelve, but I bet I can remember most of the basics!"

"Things can always be improved upon, but that was pretty damn great," I tell him. That's one thing I learned playing hockey. No matter how great a move might be, you always have to find ways to make it better. If you get complacent, you'll fall behind.

The score board looming over the rink distracts my attention for a moment, ears ringing with phantom cheers before I blink a few times and look back at Bittle. "Oh, I don't if I'd be any good, but I can give it a try."

"Well, to be honest, you likely won't be at the start," I tell him with a quiet laugh. "You were trained in hockey, not figure skating. And we don't have to do it if you'd rather not, of course. It's just an idea!"

If nothing else, Jack has the upper body for lifts, but figure skating is definitely not for everyone and it's enough that Jack's made it onto the ice at all. "How are you feeling anyway?" I ask because I definitely didn't miss the way he looked up at the score board on the other end of the rink with that far-off look in his eye. "Okay?"

"It's a good idea," I assure him, smiling softly as I skate a slow circle around him, twisting around halfway through to finish it off backwards. I circle him again as he asks the question, coming to a stop in front of him.

"Better than I thought I would be," I tell him honestly, reaching out to take his hand again. "It's going to take some getting used to, but I'm glad to be out here. It's home, you know? And it's better with you."

Jack's moving as easily on the ice as he ever has, his skates barely making a sound as he circles around me. He swishes to a stop right in front of me, his hands warm when they take mine and I keep my eyes on him.

"It's really nice bein' out here with you," I agree. "I mean even, even back home before I really knew what I was feelin' for you, I loved skating with you. Bein' on your line was just-- it's incredible, Jack. You're so good."

I cringe a bit when I realize that what I'm saying likely isn't helping him any and I shake my head a bit. "Anyway, this just... this feels nice. It's okay if you can't do it again for awhile or just don't want to. I get it. But, for what it's worth, this feels pretty great to me."

Edited 2016-08-15 06:48 (UTC)

"You made me a better player," I say wistfully. His words make me long for the game, missing it like a physical ache in my chest. I swallow the lump in my throat and nod, focusing on how good it feels to be on the ice with him instead.

I smile and lift one of his hands up over his head, gliding in a circle around him while watching him fondly. "You make me a better man in general, I'm pretty sure."

"You made me a better player," I counter with a grin. "Though I suppose that's not saying much. You make everyone better just bein' on the ice at all."

He takes my hand then, holding it up as he skates around me. It's hard not to laugh at that and I don't even hide it, though my smile falters a little under his words. It's... well, he says it pretty casually, but it feels like a lot. "You're pretty amazing all on your own," I tell him, my heart fluttering in my chest. "You always have been. I'm just... I'm kinda like a garnish, maybe."

"Bits, I was a mess," I say easily, holding onto him as I glide up to face him. I'm well aware that I was a mess, and I still am in a lot of ways. That's no secret.

I frown as I reach up to cup his warm cheeks with my cold hands, looking at him very seriously. "You are not garnish. I really wish that you could see yourself how I see you."

His tone turns a lot more serious then and he stops spinning around me to skate in close instead, cold hands lightly cupping my face as he leans in. His eyes are so, so blue and his face is just... his face is perfect. I'm positive I've never met a single person in all my life more gorgeous than him.

And goodness, he wants me.

"How... how do you see me?" It's a selfish question, I know. But I want him to tell me. Sometimes this still feels a bit like it's all in my head even though I know it's not. It just feels too good to be true.

"Bitty," I say quietly, giving him a crooked smile as I lean a bit. "When I look at you I see someone kind and brave and smart, someone handsome and talented. I see an amazing friend and partner. I see someone who lights up a room simply by being in it."

After leaning in to give him a light kiss, right there on the ice, I keep speaking. "You have no idea how much that light means to me, Bits."

I can feel my eyes widen as Jack leans down a bit, his gaze warm and soft and open in a way I've seen more and more of recently. It's hard to calm the rapid beating of my heart when he starts talking even as I feel my cheeks go so, so warm.

"Jack," I breathe, but he's already kissing me, just a light brush of his lips against mine.

No one's ever said anything so amazing about me in all my life and, for a long moment I can't say anything at all. There are three very distinct words I want to say, but even now, even after all that, I'm worried it's too soon. We've only been officially dating for a few months and the very last thing I want is to scare him off.

Oh, but how that feeling burns in my chest.

So instead I reach up to cradle his face, holding him there as I press another kiss. And another, just because I can. "As selfish as it is, I'm so, so glad you're here," I tell him, bumping my nose against his lightly. "I can't even tell you how happy you've made me these past few months."

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[mid-june] #15 & #1 back on the ice

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