puckandpie | a shopping excursion [dated to 2/4/16]

There hasn't been a day since Jack's arrival that I haven't wished and wished and wished that he could go home. It's certainly not because I don't like having him here -- that honestly couldn't be further from the truth, which is a little bit surprising all in itself -- and more that he looks more lost and utterly depressed by the hour.

I can't blame him, obviously. As hard as it is for me here, especially lately, I know it has to be at least ten times worse for him. I've never felt so useless in all my life, though. I mean, I know pies can't cure everything, I'm not completely stupid, but I'm so used to being able to sit and with someone and try to talk things out, or hug them for awhile until the pain subsides a little bit, or yes, serve them pie until the inevitable sugar rush perks them up a bit.

And no amount of pie or hugs or talking is going to magically bring the NHL to Darrow or whisk Jack back home.

Neither will a brand new wardrobe but, frankly, Jack is going to have to wear something other than hoodies whether he likes it or not.

Of course, Kate is the first person I think of when I decide on buying Jack a couple new shirts. The Dressing Room is a little bit pricey, but it's also amazing quality and I have no doubt she'll be able to help me.

I don't immediately see her when I step in and I wander for awhile before spotting a guy who appears to be another associate. He has a strikingly familiar face, but I can't immediately place it, and I refuse to let myself wonder about it for too long.

"Hi, excuse me," I say with a sheepish smile. "Is Kate working today by chance?"

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I'm holding my breath for about two seconds when Peter confirms my suspicions and I immediately feel a rush of a relief, lips slipping into a wider smile.

"Oh, my goodness, there really are," I tell him with a quick laugh. "Back home, I was going to a school with a pretty big faction of uhm, of people like us," I continue, careful of my language considering we're at his work and I don't want to accidentally out him if he's not already. "But here, it's... my gosh, it's like we're everywhere. It's amazing."

Not that it's really increased my chances of dating, of course. Not beyond Simon and I have a feeling that was doomed from the start.

Peter laughs louder than he meant to. He feels a little giddy from under the unexpected rush of being so brazen about it. Earlier in the day, Peter had been somewhat dreading going to work simply because of the startling amount of homework he couldn't do while working, but now, he's intensely glad to be there. The city is small, so it's likely he'd have met Eric somehow anyway, but it's so nice that it's happened then.

"It is!" He laughs again, delighted. "Jason and I were the only ones where we were. No one knew. And here..." Well. Eric knows what it's like, so Peter doesn't bother finishing. "It's one more reason I really like it here, I guess."

"It's one of the things that makes this place a little easier to stomach," I agree with a laugh. I don't mention how it's also made it a lot more obvious that it's not the lack of gay guys or being busy with hockey and school that ever made it so hard for me to get a date. That it really is just me.

This conversation is absolutely not about that though and I put on a wider smile. "I'm glad it's easier for you and, uhm. Jason," I decide on because he hasn't really confirmed that he and this Jason are together and I don't want to presume. "It's still hard sometimes, I think. Like, it's so ingrained to keep it quiet, you know? I was just startin' to come out back home, hadn't even said anything to my parents yet."

There's something sad about Eric and Peter can empathize. Darrow would be a different place without Jason, pleasant but not the paradise it is with him there. Promises are kept that never could have been at home, chiefly among them, how Peter can hear Jason's perfect voice whisper how much he loves him whenever he wants. That's worth it all by itself.

"Thank you," Peter says softly by way of confirmation. He isn't ashamed of Jason's place in his life when he can duck out from under the weight of what he's been taught about the way he feels, least of all to another gay boy.

"The family thing is hard." It was his way of saying he related without getting too deep at work. He wanted to know more, though, wanted to see how their stories related. These were the kinds of connections Peter had yearned for his whole life and there's a wealth of them in Darrow. Eric's another cute, conflicted, and despite all, confident boy like Peter. There are so many and Peter wants to know them all.

"We could talk more over coffee or something?" The issue of time-and-place is cropping up in the periphery and he's afraid he sees his manager eyeing him. "Tuesday afternoons are good for me."

Peter's voice is quiet and understanding in a way that's a little too familiar, I think, and it hits me that I've never really talked about this stuff with anyone before. Not even back at Samwell. All my friends were hockey bros and I didn't really have time to make friends outside of that group, to find other queer kids who might have similar experiences to mine. And here, while there seem to be an abundance of us, it's just... not something anyone talks about. Or maybe they just don't talk about it with me.

But I think... I think Peter might be offering and, as nervous as it makes me, I can't deny the flip of hope in my belly.

"Yeah?" I reply, nodding already. "I usually have to work Tuesday nights, but if you can do early afternoon, I'd love to meet up with you. I'll bring snacks, even. Do you prefer cookies or muffins?"

Peter's appreciation comes out in a bright smile. He's nervous, himself, especially since postponing such a conversation could mean that it never happens. Still, Peter is optimistic.

"I have class, but let me give you my number and we can work something out," Peter says, meaning the snacks and the meeting time. He doesn't have his phone out on the floor so he's not tempted to spend his entire shift texting Jason or Magnus. The fact that his phone can do pretty much anything is utterly distracting.

"Okay!" I reply, completely unable to keep the excitement (and little bit of relief) out of my voice as I pull my phone out of my pocket. With a quick swipe and some tapping, I have it unlocked before handing it over to Peter so he can put his phone number in.

"I also work at Semele's five nights a week. If you ever swing by, I'll give you a free slice of pie," I add, pushing up onto my toes briefly in excitement. Not for the first time, I'm glad that Derek really doesn't seem to mind that I give a good percentage of the pie I make away. It's not the best business practice, I know, but it makes people happy and it makes me happy so he doesn't complain.

a shopping excursion [dated to 2/4/16]

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