I really really do not want to have to ask a total stranger to kiss me. Not only does it just feel pathetic, but it's not like I've kissed that many people in my life. It's stupid maybe, but kissing still feels special to me.

But after seeing this happen to Simon, I know how this works. I know it's the only way out.

I drop my hands at the sound of Derek's voice, my eyes wide as I look up at him. He's worried, I can tell, his brow furrowed and lips drawn into a thin line. I'm sure it's because he can hear my heart beating about a mile a minute, can probably smell how anxious I am. And he'll help me, I know he will. And it'll be both the best and absolute worst thing that's ever happened to me.

"I know," I tell him, my shoulders slumping. "I know how it works, I just. I don't." I don't want the first and probably only time Derek ever kisses me to be because he has to. But I can't just say that. Not to mention the fact that I have no idea what this means in regards to Simon. We're not... I mean, we're dating, but we're not dating, I don't think. Would he care if I kissed someone else? Would he care that I want to, so so badly?

I force myself to take a breath as instructed, press the heel of my hand against my eye. "You don't have to," I tell him and goodness, I really do sound pathetic. "I mean, it can't last forever, can it? I won't die here."